I hate the scottish pox for doing an Elmer Fudd impression every time he is interviewed.
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For his little walkabout in Euro 96.
For single-handedly destroying Forest.
SIR ALEX FERGUSON
Why? So many reasons.
For taking just ten minutes to achieve a career highlight.
For being better than Pele but not selling his soul to Fifa on his retirement, for that second goal against England in '86 and the one against Belgium in the Semi Final that was nearly as good but most of all, for being as mad as a box of frogs and showing that fatboys can still play a bit.
Never had a shocker.
In the words of someone smarter than me, for being "basically nothing but one massive heart on a sleeve".
Sunday league footballers - never wear coloured boots unless you are SURE you are the best player in your team (and others agree with you).
Football players - when getting off your team coach, make sure you're wearing a massive pair of headphones, to further insulate you from the real world..
JUMPERS FOR GOALPOSTS
The more loudly you celebrate your goal, the more it was definitely in..
Never wear full matching kit to a kickabout.